A lot of people are not sure what to wear to a movie premiere outfit. It’s the same as any other night but with more glamour and glitz. Here’s a guide to what’s expected of what to wear for a movie premiere.
What to wear to a movie premiere outfit
If you attend as a nudist, the chairs, especially the plush ones, are somewhat uncomfortable. Even cold. And if you’re fortunate enough to catch a Stratoliner, it’s important not to let your mind linger on such horrible mental ideas.
So, let’s go back to what to wear to a movie premiere.
Back up further and ask, “Who the hell goes to a movie premiere anymore?” Boychik, when was the last time YOU went to one? Is it still possible to attend the movie premiere? At Hollywood’s Grauman’s Chinese Theater? New York’s Radio City Music Hall? Dinkytown’s Varsity Theater? Doubtful. Very unlikely. Every major film now has a huge, splashy premiere in Bollywood, India’s subcontinent. So maybe we should look at what the nabobs out there are wearing to them. Men wear turbans with polo shirts and trousers, while ladies wear colorful saris and get a third eye tattooed on their forehead with henna. Not to sound ethnocentric, but is it appropriate for a domestic film to debut in, say, Des Moines? That is, provided the talkies have arrived in Des Moines…
How should I dress for a movie premiere?
Okay. Okay. Things have gone out of hand a bit here. Traveling to Bombay, for example. But, of course, there are still movie premieres in Hollywood. Perhaps not with spotlights, confetti, limos pulling up to the curb, and superstars parading on a red carpet.
Here’s the skinny after a comprehensive examination of modern premiere clothing.
Dresses for a movie premiere
Is this inclusive of kilts? Yes, if you’re Sean Connery. Jock, like any other guy, should hit the road. So, gowns. Celebrity gowns An intriguing idea. Women in dresses. Is that even sexist? A modern lady can wear anything she wants to a movie premiere. Slacks are included. Culottes. Bikini. Foil made of aluminum. Fibers made from hemp. Hats off. Heels with stilettos. But a lady should never, ever wear fur. That’s done as in smoking—alternatively, chastity. Angelina Jolie or Drew Barrymore might expect to be tarred, feathered, and driven out of town in a KIA if they wear fur to a movie premiere.
The femme Fatales of Beverly Hills is expected to dress as follows for the upcoming Hollywood premiere (which will most likely be for Disney’s ‘Fifty Shades of Mickey Mouse):
Jennifer Lawrence wears a stylish sarong made of hemp fiber colored a deep purple, with a lace collar made of recycled plastic bags. Her leash will be a Komodo dragon, and her pocketbook will be a reused shopping cart.
Scarlett Johansson appears with a massive white tube sock with arm openings. In addition, she’s sporting a one-of-a-kind French headgear modeled after the Oscar Meyer wiener mobile. It even has functioning headlights and a horn that goes “beep” or “bip.”
Emma Watson, without a doubt, sashays down the aisle in a cocktail gown made entirely of recycled newspaper and colored a stunning robin’s egg blue. Everyone is taken aback by her matching seersucker gloves. And the riding crop she’s carrying isn’t just a prop; she uses it mercilessly to fend off the cameras.
Attire for a movie premiere
In the good old days of Hollywood, every premiere was attended by men dressed in tuxedos and ladies in taffeta ballroom dresses. A little-known truth about the tuxedo is that it was originally constructed from the leather of the African tuxedo cat. This fierce predator haunted the Limpopo river delta forests, eating little children like popcorn. When the tuxedo cat became extinct in the 1950s, the outfit was made of asphalt. It weighed a ton and smelled like hell.
Of course, nowadays, guys wear anything they choose. Vin Diesel, for example, usually dresses in a basic white t-shirt with no pockets and Levis. If someone looks at him strangely, he punches them in the face.
Tom Cruise is dressed in a sweat suit loaded with $100 bucks, which he distributes to the various Hollywood filmmakers who continually gather around him, pleading, “Baksheesh!”
Johnny Depp could appear in anything, from a New York Yankees jersey to a Turkish caftan.
The main idea should be comfort
Comfort is the priority for a movie premiere in today’s anything-goes Hollywood. The males wear Crocs, while the ladies favor huaraches. Hats are mostly prohibited. Although the odd star will don a bowler hat to do a Charlie Chaplin impersonation.
The braless aesthetic is reserved for males, not women. The bowtie is so out of style that only ushers wear them. Male celebrities like a puka shell necklace around their necks or a gardenia wreath twined in their hair. The carpeting, not the apparel, is composed of polyester.
The Next Big Thing for Hollywood premieres is that the stars will arrive in their pajamas so that they can sleep through it all. Because let’s face it, today’s movies are more sleepy than ever. Of course, some celebrities can get away with simply a snood. Others should cover their whole head with a snood.
One last word
The public should, of course, have the last word. From the people who stand in long lines at the theater box office and watch all the drama to see their favorite stars. What do people want their famous actors and actresses to wear to a movie premiere? Strangely, this has never been the subject of a poll.
So, the next time you are in a crowded elevator or bus, please turn to your neighbor and ask, “Hey, what do you think Will Smith should wear to the next Hollywood premiere?” Then tell us what you found.
